• Elisabet. T

What is your first reaction to the situation when a child is asking your child for his toy?

What is your first reaction to the situation when a child is asking your child for his toy?

What do you teach your child to do when this happens?  

These  Magnetic Drawing Boards  are very attractive educative toys so, surely many children will notice them and will ask your children for them most likely exactly when they are in a creation process. This may be frustrating for any child!

Why can't you be generous like other children?

The child is educated, from the first year of his life, to share things, to offer and to understand other children ' s needs : “Give him, look, he's smaller than you; Give him, he's our guest so you ought to''; Give him, because you are more wise,; give him because you have and he doesn't, show him that you are better. When our child obeys us this is a good reason for us to feel proud : my child is generous while another children don't know how to offer.

Then, suddenly, without any linkage between these two moments, the parent's comment turns into  : Oh, dear!  you seem to be such a dump kid, it’s only you who share your toys with him... can't you see that he doesn't do the same for you? I won't buy another toys for you if you keep giving your things and then  get them back broken. 

Poor child, he feels his parent's adversity and becomes angry with him. He starts to be mischievous with children. He feels confused and he often isolates himself hiding his things.

I once have heard a ''specialist mom'' advising her son : “Don't take your expensive and favorite  toys with you on the playground, let them home and take with you just the ones you are willing to share with another children.” It seemed outrageous to me!  She was inviting him not to enjoy what he had and to hide things instead of challenging the child to face his possible life experiences.

What do you think that this child will surely do later in life as a grown up? Picture a husband who won't let his wife to get out alone  in public, for fear someone else would steel her from him. This kind of husband would keep his wife at home most of the time because he doesn't know how to defend and protect what he has and because he can't fell proud of what he has without feeling threatened.

The logical solution is to explain to our children from the start : If you want to get something, make an exchange. 

Yes, as simple as that!

When someone asks for his toy, he may refuse by presenting his reason not by saying just “I don't want to”. He may say, for instance" ''I am playing with it now''. If it happens to be willing to play with the other child he may say: '' I give you my toy if you let me choose one of your toys, too.''

If that child doesn't agree the  exchange then, a normal answer like: ''well, it means to me that you don't  really want my toy'' is justified.

Understanding this, he won't take personally another child's refusal of  sharing toys, too.

The child who was asked for his toy must choose by himself a toy from the other's arsenal.

If his toy gets damaged, then he should keep the toy he got in exchange for his own.

YES, I KNOW IT'S SOME EFFORT IN THIS! But this is the way which works for any child aged between 1 - 101 years old.:)

When the child feels spontaneously to be generous he will make an exception . Generosity is not to be taught but to be felt. It is a personal feeling. When I asked my daughter why she made a certain act of generosity, she replied that: ''I just felt to do so!'' She was right it was a good moment . Her answer melt my heart, I'm telling you.

It must be the child's decision to play or not with another child and share toys. If you teach your child to give but he won't get anything in return, he will feel hurt and sad. It makes no sense| to educate other children to share their toys with your child. Educate your own child instead! You could never educate others any way!

Everything has a price. If you can't get what you want right now, it means that either it's not the right time or the price is not high enough. 

If you don't like the way your child's behave in certain circumstances, pay attention to your own behavior towards him or towards another people and you'll find  the answer and the solution for both of you.

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